My Timeless Love Affair

Out of all the creative outlets that I have, photography is the one that is most personal to me. I don't mean that in the sense that it's the most important or the most fulfilling; what I mean is that it's the one thing that I do where I don't seek others approval. I don't care if people like or dislike my photography and I don't shoot for any other reason other than my own gratification. It's a strange thing and somewhat arrogant, I think. It's not that I'm extremely confident in my work; quite the contrary. I'm very aware of my limitations as a photographer and I fully admit my lack of knowledge. But I'm ok with that - it's simply an art form that I've practiced because I enjoy it and I enjoy what I get out of it.


With the exception of writing, I can't think of a type of creative expression that I've been involved with longer than photography. From the time I was seven years old and held my first camera (an old 126 camera that took those cube-like disposable flashes), taking shots of all the rides on our first trip to Disneyland, I was obsessed with capturing images. Along the way I've gone through various stages that I suppose all photographers go through (architecture, glamour, nature, candid, etc.). Recently of course my main mode of capture has been set photography. But even saying "recently" is somewhat misleading since I've been out of film school for three years and haven't shot much set photography since then. No, since graduation I haven't used my camera very much at all.

It saddens and sometimes frustrates me that I haven't taken more of an initiative in shooting. Photography has always come in and out of my life and I know that I'll go back to it someday. But whenever I look at old photos I took or have an idea for a specific photograph, I get excited. Yesterday Brian went up to Brennan and Preston's house to take some headshots and I went with him. While he was shooting the boys (headshots is a whole other animal of photography that I have no interest in) I brought my camera and also took some pictures. It was such an invigorating, inspiring feeling - particularly when I'm shooting people. It's one thing to go off and shoot random stuff that already exists in the world but when I am using people to populate the frame, I feel like I have to increase the creative level (because in essence the people become props that you arrange - or don't arrange, as the case may be).

While Brian was shooting some other actor friends, I took Brennan and Preston across the street to the park and took candid photos of them, similar to what I used to do with my cousin Jacqueline. This park, which is an amazing location (it's essentially an old abandoned amusement park), was perfect for shooting because there were no people and lots of diffused and filtered light. I took two rolls of slide film and one roll of b&w and it was an exhilerating feeling, having the camera back in my hand. I can't wait to get the photos developed and especially with the slide film, I can't wait to see how they turned out (nothing looks better than an image on a slide).

At some point soon, I need to delve into the digital world. While nothing will ever replace my A-1 and all my prime lenses, the time has come for me to have a decent digital SLR. Not necessarily for instances like yesterday, which I would have shot on film even if I had a digital camera, but there have been practical reasons in the past for me needing a digital camera. Thankfully Brian has let me use his camera numerous times and that's only solidified my feeling that I need a digital camera.

I wish that I shot more. At the beginning of the summer Evangeline and I talked about going out on photography field trips but that has yet to transpire. It's difficult when you have other things going on and you don't want to make it a chore - something that you HAVE to do. But I should make more of an effort to go out and use my camera more because it's something I love doing and it's been a wonderful element of expression for me.