Having been writing entries for a couple of months now, I thought I would reflect on a quote I discovered about six months ago, "Every day do one thing that scares you", which I've also made the heading of this blog. Most of us love quotes and inspirational anecdotes because they remind us of things we know but often forget. I can't say I live my life in fear or spend my days worrying about what terrible things await me but sometimes I do feel myself making decisions based on slight hesitations I innately feel. This caution is nothing new and I believe part of it harkens back to my childhood as a shy, insecure boy. I never did well outside my comfort zone, at least I didn't think I did, and instead only did well in situations where I felt safe and supported. This insecurity has lessoned over the years for sure, but the powerful influence of childhood isn't always so easy to shake completely.
What I love about the quote is that it gives permission to fail. When I read it, it reminds me that everyone has felt the same way at some point in their lives - that sense of fear that hinders risk (and thus reward) - and yet people move forward, dive into the pool, and not allow the fear of failure to stymie them. I admire these people - not the oblivious, fearless ones but rather the people who do feel that paralysis but overcome it. I wish that I was that confident. I wish that I had that devotion to the principle that in the end it will be alright. That no matter what you built up in your head that's preventing you from taking the chance, it will never be that bad and in fact will in all likelihood be good.
As I've gotten older and seen the rewards that can come from "doing things that scare you", it's made it easier to take that plunge. Of course, it doesn't always work out and there have been plenty of times when I follow this rule only to fall flat on my face. But I've learned to cope with this by finding a way to learn from the experience and turning a seemingly bad situation into something positive.
Lately I've been trying really hard to put myself out of my comfort zone and make this quote a daily mantra. And to be honest, it's reaped a lot of great rewards. I don't know if it's because I just had my three year anniversary out of school, the fact that I've yet to direct a feature film, or the issue of nearing 30 years old but some motivation for change has been brewing inside me for quite some time. I need to get back to filmmaking, to writing, and to pursuing a life that will make me not only happy but fulfilled.
What does all this mean in specifics? I don't know. That's why I have this quote, to remind me when I'm afraid of something, not to be. There are a lot of wonderful things in my life, a lot of amazing people and a lot of fruitful opportunities that I need to take advantage of. Even if it scares me.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
The Mechanics of a Madman
Today I saw a new documentary called GREAT DIRECTORS. The film hasn't received overwhelmingly positive reviews from critics but it struck an emotional chord with me. Interviewing ten directors as diverse as Agnes Varda and Bernardo Bertolucci, the documentary attempts to encapsulate what it means to be a filmmaker and more importantly what it means to be an artist. As I sat in the theater watching these directors talk about their craft and see clips from their work, I couldn't help but be profoundly inspired.
I've been thinking a lot lately about our new project, LOVE PRESTON and how I want to tackle the visual aesthetic of the film. After getting my photos back that I took of the boys last weekend, I've been mulling the idea of shooting some scenes at the park. The location is so perfect for this project: an abandoned amusement park that sees very few visitors and would be an ideal place to stage scenes of a lonely boy looking for distractions. Tonight I rewrote the opening scene using photos that I took as a visual reference. I feel that if the film is about a child overwhelmed by the vastness of his surroundings but still engulfed in love from all direction, this park would be a great supplemental locale to the giant house. We could shoot scenes of him wandering around alone and also playing with his brother, taking advantage of the visual landscape - the light shining through the trees, the shadows falling on the dilapidated buildings. The more I think about the possibilities the more excited I am about this project.
Since this park is just across the street from their house, I would like to go up and shoot some practice footage to just get an idea of what we could accomplish. Taking the photos last weekend was a huge help for me and I think shooting some video would help me even more, particularly in trying to add more scenes to the script. Yes, it would be fun to just go up to the park and shoot on the fly but I really would prefer to have somewhat of a game plan.
If the boys were in town and Brian's camera was available, I would've gone up there this weekend. Unfortunately, they are gone and next weekend I'll be out of town. So it'll be a couple weeks before we can go up there and shoot some test footage. It was a little frustrating because after watching the documentary on directors, I was really antsy to shoot something. But I think letting this new idea marinate in my head will be good and already I've come up with some new thoughts on possible sequences.
Thank God I have this new project to focus my creative energy on. Without it, I'd be ready to explode.
I've been thinking a lot lately about our new project, LOVE PRESTON and how I want to tackle the visual aesthetic of the film. After getting my photos back that I took of the boys last weekend, I've been mulling the idea of shooting some scenes at the park. The location is so perfect for this project: an abandoned amusement park that sees very few visitors and would be an ideal place to stage scenes of a lonely boy looking for distractions. Tonight I rewrote the opening scene using photos that I took as a visual reference. I feel that if the film is about a child overwhelmed by the vastness of his surroundings but still engulfed in love from all direction, this park would be a great supplemental locale to the giant house. We could shoot scenes of him wandering around alone and also playing with his brother, taking advantage of the visual landscape - the light shining through the trees, the shadows falling on the dilapidated buildings. The more I think about the possibilities the more excited I am about this project.
Since this park is just across the street from their house, I would like to go up and shoot some practice footage to just get an idea of what we could accomplish. Taking the photos last weekend was a huge help for me and I think shooting some video would help me even more, particularly in trying to add more scenes to the script. Yes, it would be fun to just go up to the park and shoot on the fly but I really would prefer to have somewhat of a game plan.
If the boys were in town and Brian's camera was available, I would've gone up there this weekend. Unfortunately, they are gone and next weekend I'll be out of town. So it'll be a couple weeks before we can go up there and shoot some test footage. It was a little frustrating because after watching the documentary on directors, I was really antsy to shoot something. But I think letting this new idea marinate in my head will be good and already I've come up with some new thoughts on possible sequences.
Thank God I have this new project to focus my creative energy on. Without it, I'd be ready to explode.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
My Timeless Love Affair
Out of all the creative outlets that I have, photography is the one that is most personal to me. I don't mean that in the sense that it's the most important or the most fulfilling; what I mean is that it's the one thing that I do where I don't seek others approval. I don't care if people like or dislike my photography and I don't shoot for any other reason other than my own gratification. It's a strange thing and somewhat arrogant, I think. It's not that I'm extremely confident in my work; quite the contrary. I'm very aware of my limitations as a photographer and I fully admit my lack of knowledge. But I'm ok with that - it's simply an art form that I've practiced because I enjoy it and I enjoy what I get out of it.
With the exception of writing, I can't think of a type of creative expression that I've been involved with longer than photography. From the time I was seven years old and held my first camera (an old 126 camera that took those cube-like disposable flashes), taking shots of all the rides on our first trip to Disneyland, I was obsessed with capturing images. Along the way I've gone through various stages that I suppose all photographers go through (architecture, glamour, nature, candid, etc.). Recently of course my main mode of capture has been set photography. But even saying "recently" is somewhat misleading since I've been out of film school for three years and haven't shot much set photography since then. No, since graduation I haven't used my camera very much at all.
It saddens and sometimes frustrates me that I haven't taken more of an initiative in shooting. Photography has always come in and out of my life and I know that I'll go back to it someday. But whenever I look at old photos I took or have an idea for a specific photograph, I get excited. Yesterday Brian went up to Brennan and Preston's house to take some headshots and I went with him. While he was shooting the boys (headshots is a whole other animal of photography that I have no interest in) I brought my camera and also took some pictures. It was such an invigorating, inspiring feeling - particularly when I'm shooting people. It's one thing to go off and shoot random stuff that already exists in the world but when I am using people to populate the frame, I feel like I have to increase the creative level (because in essence the people become props that you arrange - or don't arrange, as the case may be).
While Brian was shooting some other actor friends, I took Brennan and Preston across the street to the park and took candid photos of them, similar to what I used to do with my cousin Jacqueline. This park, which is an amazing location (it's essentially an old abandoned amusement park), was perfect for shooting because there were no people and lots of diffused and filtered light. I took two rolls of slide film and one roll of b&w and it was an exhilerating feeling, having the camera back in my hand. I can't wait to get the photos developed and especially with the slide film, I can't wait to see how they turned out (nothing looks better than an image on a slide).
At some point soon, I need to delve into the digital world. While nothing will ever replace my A-1 and all my prime lenses, the time has come for me to have a decent digital SLR. Not necessarily for instances like yesterday, which I would have shot on film even if I had a digital camera, but there have been practical reasons in the past for me needing a digital camera. Thankfully Brian has let me use his camera numerous times and that's only solidified my feeling that I need a digital camera.
I wish that I shot more. At the beginning of the summer Evangeline and I talked about going out on photography field trips but that has yet to transpire. It's difficult when you have other things going on and you don't want to make it a chore - something that you HAVE to do. But I should make more of an effort to go out and use my camera more because it's something I love doing and it's been a wonderful element of expression for me.
With the exception of writing, I can't think of a type of creative expression that I've been involved with longer than photography. From the time I was seven years old and held my first camera (an old 126 camera that took those cube-like disposable flashes), taking shots of all the rides on our first trip to Disneyland, I was obsessed with capturing images. Along the way I've gone through various stages that I suppose all photographers go through (architecture, glamour, nature, candid, etc.). Recently of course my main mode of capture has been set photography. But even saying "recently" is somewhat misleading since I've been out of film school for three years and haven't shot much set photography since then. No, since graduation I haven't used my camera very much at all.
It saddens and sometimes frustrates me that I haven't taken more of an initiative in shooting. Photography has always come in and out of my life and I know that I'll go back to it someday. But whenever I look at old photos I took or have an idea for a specific photograph, I get excited. Yesterday Brian went up to Brennan and Preston's house to take some headshots and I went with him. While he was shooting the boys (headshots is a whole other animal of photography that I have no interest in) I brought my camera and also took some pictures. It was such an invigorating, inspiring feeling - particularly when I'm shooting people. It's one thing to go off and shoot random stuff that already exists in the world but when I am using people to populate the frame, I feel like I have to increase the creative level (because in essence the people become props that you arrange - or don't arrange, as the case may be).
While Brian was shooting some other actor friends, I took Brennan and Preston across the street to the park and took candid photos of them, similar to what I used to do with my cousin Jacqueline. This park, which is an amazing location (it's essentially an old abandoned amusement park), was perfect for shooting because there were no people and lots of diffused and filtered light. I took two rolls of slide film and one roll of b&w and it was an exhilerating feeling, having the camera back in my hand. I can't wait to get the photos developed and especially with the slide film, I can't wait to see how they turned out (nothing looks better than an image on a slide).
At some point soon, I need to delve into the digital world. While nothing will ever replace my A-1 and all my prime lenses, the time has come for me to have a decent digital SLR. Not necessarily for instances like yesterday, which I would have shot on film even if I had a digital camera, but there have been practical reasons in the past for me needing a digital camera. Thankfully Brian has let me use his camera numerous times and that's only solidified my feeling that I need a digital camera.
I wish that I shot more. At the beginning of the summer Evangeline and I talked about going out on photography field trips but that has yet to transpire. It's difficult when you have other things going on and you don't want to make it a chore - something that you HAVE to do. But I should make more of an effort to go out and use my camera more because it's something I love doing and it's been a wonderful element of expression for me.
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