Three Years Ago

This month it will have been five years since I started preparation for the move out of my parents house in Watsonville and into my own apartment in Southern California. June was my last month of work at the Cabrillo College Foundation, a place I had worked for nearly six years. By July, most of my stuff was packed and I had begun the search for an apartment in Long Beach. By August, the U-Haul was packed and I was on my adventure. I had no idea what I was in for. I had no idea how drastically my life would change. That first semester was the transition period - adjusting to living on my own, meeting new people, breaking up with my girlfriend. By Christmas everything had changed and I was on my way to building a life that I never imagined I'd have.

Three Years ago, I graduated from film school. The two years I spent at Cal State Long Beach were the most influential years of my life - it laid the groundwork for the direction that I would go. It gave me focus, a calling. I think about those two years and wonder where would I be had I not gone to film school. Or where would I be had I gone a year earlier. Or to a different school. Would I still be pursuing film? Would I have gotten farther along in my career than where I am now? These questions can never be answered. Only pondered. Regardless, I'm happy with where I'm at now. I'm grateful for those two years where I got to discover my craft. I went in not knowing what I wanted to do - writing, directing, cinematography - but I left with a very clear goal of what I wanted to pursue.

I imagine it would be difficult if you didn't know what you wanted to do with your life. All I've ever wanted was to have a job where I could be creatively fulfilled. For a long time, that meant acting. But after taking a directing class and a film analysis class, I decided to pursue a life behind the camera. Since going to film school and actually making my own films, this passion has only strengthened. Now, ALL I want is to be a filmmaker. Doing anything else would be blasphemy and in my mind, a failure. Is this a good thing? I don't know. Hopefully this will be a driving motivator to achieve my goals - at any cost. Starting a family is not nearly as important to me as it once was. Creative fulfillment is not the common denominator anymore. Directing is.

Am I surprised that I've kept in contact with so many people from film school? No, not at all. I imagine the relationships I've forged with my peers are relationships that will last a lifetime. Sure, some have taken different paths. Some have moved away from filmmaking. But those that have stayed, the common goal in a strong unifier. And I'm extremely grateful for that. Film is built on collaboration and inspiration and I don't think I could go on without either of these.

It's crazy to think that I've been out of school for three years now - I've been out of school longer than I was in film school. What have I done in those three years? Do I have anything to show, any growth, anything I'm proud of? Sure. I completed Seven Years after I graduated. I shot Kay. I've done some writing. I've done a lot of film watching. And I'm now venturing into a new project, something I hope will continue my development. Since graduating, none of us are exactly where we want to be. But I think all of us are on the paths we want to be. And I guess that's all we can hope for.